To expound, Kyle Kingson played by Alex Pettyfer, our beast in question has had it all, looks, intelligence, wealth and apparently, as marketed by CBS, a “wicked cruel streak”. However, all the viewers actually end up witnessing of this “wicked cruel streak” is a joke played on Kingson’s unattractive and weird classmate Kendra (Mary-Kate Olsen).
His crime? Inviting Kendra to the school’s environmental bash and then dissing her, which to me is hardly an action to validate Kingson’s wicked and cruel behavior. Sure, he’s quite the douche but wicked and cruel? Hardly.
As expected, Kendra is magically pegged a witch just because she’s perceived “weird” by the rest of society. An idea that Hollywood constantly impresses on young indelible minds that being different and wearing thick eye make up constitutes a Witches’ uniform.
Hence, catalyzing the notion that if people think you’re weird, you probably are a witch.
Ridiculous.
Or should I say Ridikulus, a spell from Harry Potter, cast three folds more convincing than Kendra’s “diabolical audio-tuned curse chanting voice” which eventually turns Kingson into the “beast”.
Perhaps this is the most embarrassing part of the film; the viewer’s realization that the producers are all complete idiots and that their idea of a “Beast” or a person so ugly that none can bear to see him and be unafraid, takes its form in a bald, lean teenager with six pack abs and a few scars and tattoos on his face and back. We quickly recognize that the producers have never taken a walk through reality and are completely unaware that their idea of “beastly” is highly skewed from the rest of us.
The Beast in Beastly looks neither scary nor un-human like. He just looks, in Hollywood’s terms, bad-ass. The fact that the Beast fails to look the least beastly makes the whole story fall apart as the premise just ceases to pull any weight henceforth. Had I not been on a plane with a shared TV, I would have just turned off the movie immediately. Highly awake and stuck watching it, I braved my way through the rest of the movie. Slowly but surely, ploughing my way through the bad acting, courtesy of Vanessa Hudgens who unfortunately for the audience plays “the beauty”, also known as Lindy.
Anyhow, the story continues where Kingson is banished to Brooklyn (because surely, that’s the modern day deserted castle) by his father who thinks his son is too ugly…to…be seen? And given a blind tutor and an arbitrary housekeeper (LisaGay Hamilton) for goodwill. Surely no self-loving person could type this and not face palm herself a few times. Wait a minute; let’s back up here. His father felt he was too ugly so he sent him to Brooklyn to be taught by a blind tutor. And that makes sense, why? Because he’s blind and won’t judge his son? Is it just me, or is this shallowness really paving the way for this obvious blockbuster of the century? Oh silly me! The producers made Neil Patrick Harris the blind tutor, people love him. Therefore, this role must not be doubted.
A few scenes later, -Insert sappy montage of Kingson trying to woo Lindy’s heart after she is forced to live with them- Don’t even get me started on this. They fall in love, Lindy doesn’t kiss him to break the curse, something about the airport, They kiss. End of story.
Towards the end of the movie, my mind was just drifting off at the obvious lack of intellect being put into the production of the film. The only saving grace of this film would possibly be the direction of photography. It was mostly shot with rather classy composition, unlike the many “plot thin, bad acting” films I’d previously screened.
Thankfully, Beastly only garnered a 19% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes. There is hope for society yet. I can’t say the same for producers Susan Cartsonis, Roz Weisberg and Michael Flynn though.
They’re just, ridikulus.
